Thursday 30 December 2010

You don't know, do you? That in a crowded place, my eyes will always search for you.


Teenagers. We always go against our parents rules because we feel that they don't understand us. It's not that they don't understand, because they do. They have been 14, 15, 16, 17 at one point too. All they are trying to do is save you from the problems that they had to deal with. They just want to protect you from that terrible pain you feel in your heart when the person you love crushes you. Oh yeah, that's called heartbreak.


What a great year. Filled with tears, laughs, drunken nights, smiles, memories, pictures, boys boys boys, broken hearts, and partying hard. HAPPY ALMOST NEW YEAR LOVELIES :)

http://cantstopmyshine.xanga.com <-- visit! she's awesome

Wednesday 29 December 2010

IM BACK :)

hey people, long time no post but im back yow! :D
its holiday and im.. not goin anywhere, cool right? BOWRIIING
so where do you guys going?
oyea, yesterday, indonesia was having a match against malaysia, its a great match even though we lose. timnas has already shown their best for indo. im so proud of you guys :) and malaysia, congrats ya!

Saturday 4 December 2010

i bet all i had on a thing called love - http://cantstopmyshine.xanga.com/

1. The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back.

2.
I think we all - I think all of us - want to feel something that we've forgotten or turned our backs on because maybe we didn't realize how much we were leaving behind. We need to remember what used to be good. If we don't, we won't recognize it even if it hits us between the eyes.

3.
do you even wonder? i mean about us, what happened? it was almost like our relationship was a piece of paper crumbled up and thrown away; forgotten. what might have happened if we didn't throw it away? maybe we would still be together or maybe not. or maybe secretly we haven't thrown it away yet. we're saving it because we're hoping someday we can pull it out of our pockets and rekindle what we once had. or maybe it's not even that we want it back, maybe it's that we don't want to lose what we had, but at the same time, we know it's already lost. i wonder that a lot, and i wonder if you wonder sometimes too.

4. Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated decision. Just remember that the person who, not long before,looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you & all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

5.I try to talk to you but I don't know what to say. I'm afraid you don't want me to say anything, so I don't. But inside me there are words waiting to come out and tell you how I feel. But those words may forever stay in my heart, locked inside. Sometimes, I wonder if there are words locked inside you. But I guess I'll never know.

6.i need someone to prove to me that i'm worth it, really worth it to them. maybe all i need is a person who can show me that everyone is not the same. honestly, i thought you were that person but i was wrong. is it too much to ask for someone to take a risk on me, to fight for me, to actually care enough to not let something go; the way i did for you? you never even thanked me. i acted the way i did because i cared. i didn't realize it then, but i do now. i don't do that for just anyone. so, call me crazy, but today.. today i realized that i can't keep waiting for you. i'm moving on, i can't stay in one place waiting. i can't be around you anymore. i'm not over it, i don't get over things fast, i never have, no matter how much i try and convince myself. i'll see you around sometime. i keep thinking maybe somehow, something will click and everything will go back to the way it was in the beginning. maybe we could go back to that, but too much has been said and done. so, maybe you'll get one more chance from me, maybe you won't

7.
I don't want to remember you. Because remembering you means you'll be gone. Remembering means I won't have you in my life.I never want to have to remember you.

8.Do you ever miss me? Do you ever miss the way we used to be? When we used to talk and laugh and flirt? When you used to purposely bump into me in the hall just so you could see me look at you and smile? Do you miss our conversations? And what about our dumb sarcasm that only you and I understood? Do you ever miss any of that? I think maybe I do, because sometimes when I look at you, you'll randomly look at me and stop what you're doing just so you can look into my eyes like you used too. And even though it only lasts for two seconds, for those moments everything feels right. Do you miss that? I can't be the only one who does.

9.Who knew you could make me smile like before. Who knew i could still see everything amazing in you. Who knew i was still so in love with you

10.The thing is, i would love you like you never left.

11.yeah, she may be here for you right now. but i bet you that she will leave you. and too be honest i hope i'm around when karma bites you in the ass, when you have what you put me through done right back to you to see how you cope. because unlike everyone else, i've been here this whole time all along. and if that make's me sound pathetic, okay. just know that before you know it i'm gonna be gone for good.

12. Personally, love is more of a feeling then an action. Flirting and what not, sorry that's not love. Yes it counts as feelings. But love, love is strong.It's the most powerful thing in the world and if you get to experience it, then don't take it for granted cause its a really special thing. Love doesn't grow over night. It takes nights together full of laughter and happiness, but also those times when you just sit there and do nothing. It took me years
to realize love, and how i felt it. Im sorry but lust and love are completely different.

13.Of course she's going to say everyday that she's happy for you and flash that smile you love. But look into those eyes, you broke her

14. It's not okay because he made me laugh. Because I didn't have to pretend to be anything other than who I am when I was with him. Because I don't believe that stuff about finding your other half, but because I do believe that what you look for is someone who makes you a better person when you're with them. who changes you for the better, who makes you the best person you can possibly be, and because I thought I had found that in him.

15. I asked how he was, and he said bad, and that everything sucked for him. But there was nothing i could do because he pushed me away. And i couldn't help but think, maybe things wouldn't have been so bad if you hadn't told me to leave.

16. i keep running to you thinking that somethings gonna change but now that the story is over, i’m turnin' the page and baby you're history

17. he looks at me and says, "girl get over it". Now i can see that you were never worth it. and when shes gone, remember you once loved her, you once needed her. you once cared about her more than anything in the world. you can't deny that she was ever there. you cant deny what you had. you cant deny that it ended over absolutely nothing. you can't deny that regardless, you still think about it, and no other girl could ever love you the way she did. one day, you'll realize what you've done, you'll come back, she'll be gone.

18. i'm sorry to tell you, but i think it's time. "i'm done with him," was the truth. she's moving on without you. you never see tears in her eyes anymore. she smiles more than anything now. don't walk back into her life and expect things to go back how they were, because this time, it's different. this time, you made her realize she can do better.

19. He's annoying. He's hilarious. He's the world's biggest asshole. He makes me want to scream. He ruins my day and saves it at the last minute. He drives me crazy. He's out of his mind. I hate his guts, and he's everything I want.

20. I keep thinking, "It's your loss. It's not mine." But it is also mine. I chose to lose you, the only boy, who so far,
holds the ability to make me smile faster than someone can snap their fingers.

21.I know you miss him and I know you think you can’t be without him. I know he told you he loved you and I know he said he'd never leave. I know although you knew you shouldn't have believed that, you did and I know you want him more than anything. I know you spend extra time doing your makeup and hair perfect just in case he looks your way and I know secretly, you want to bump into him anywhere you go. I know you get that feeling when you walk past him and I know you just want him to look your way. I know he called you his baby and his number one and I know he told you he loved you at the end of each of his texts. I know he told you after he's caused you so much pain. I know your face lights up at the mention of his name and I know that you were his world and I know he made you happy. I know you re-read the saved texts from him that you should of deleted ages ago and I know you can’t figure out what’s making you still like him so much even you’re scared to talk about him to your friends because you don’t want them to know how amazing he is. I know you still get that tingle feeling if he so much as looks as though he's looking your way and I know that the whole day you'll be analyzing what that look meant. I know you know he used you and I know you always forgave him for all his faults no matter what. I know you smile bigger, talk louder and laugh more when you see him anywhere near and I know that’s because you just want him to notice you again. I know you compare every guy to him and I know you'd do anything to prove your love for him. I know you take out his mistakes out on everyone but him and I know you don't mean to. I know you read your saved msn conversations you had with him every night and I know you cry every time. I know you think you won't care for anyone as much as you care for him and I know you tell everyone you’re 'obviously' over him. I know that you don't know that I can see right through that. I know you listen to the songs that remind you of him every night and I know you cry yourself to sleep. I know you'd do anything to be perfect for him and I know if it meant you had to stab yourself the next day after seeing him, if it meant spending a whole day with him, you'd do it. I know you can't figure out what’s so different about him to all the other guys you've been with previously and I know he's the reason you look in the mirror too much. I know you get that feeling every time you get a text, just because of the slight chance it might be him and I know anyone can see the hurt in your eyes when you find out it isn't. I know you can’t figure out why he left you and I know you'll never get an answer to that question. I know that. Trust me. Now listen. I know he doesn't miss you and I know he doesn't look at you twice. I know that if he does catch your eye it's because you’re staring at him and he's just looking around. I know your texts to him were deleted a long time ago, along with the msn conversations and I know he's dating a new girl now. I know for a fact that he doesn't compare her to you. I know he doesn't have feelings for you anymore and I know he just doesn't care. I know he doesn't care about you no more. He never did. Trust me. I should know. I know you can relate to everything I said because he made us all feel the same. Do me a favour please? When he's done with his current girlfriend pass this onto her. I know you will because you appreciate this as much as I did when it got passed to me. Knowing you’re not the only girl he's hurt though, makes you feel better I guess. I wonder how many more girls he’s gonna hurt.

22. Even though I'm moving on, I will never forget you. All because you were my first true love. And there will come a time in my life when I will thank you for that because by you breaking my heart, it made me a little bit stronger and you made me a little bit closer to finding the one that I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with. The scary thing is; all the pain you put me through, with a snap of your fingers I'd run back so fast. So I bet you love to know you can have me at any moment if you want.

23.Yeah but even when you're here, you're gone. I miss the old you, and I know lately I haven't been the easiest person to be around, but can we just rewind, restart, relove.

24. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you

25.
It’s upsetting to think that someone can, after so long, so many memories and so much love, just turn around and say, “Sorry, I don’t love you anymore.” After everything they have gone through, it hurts to think about how somebody can change their mind on such a thing as their love for another. I can’t even begin to understand the reasons behind this. I know things change and nothing lasts, but I just can’t seem to comprehend how can a feeling change, just like that, in a blink of an eye? And it scares me, so much.

26. Am I mad? After all we've been through, that's all you've to say? Mad for what? For breaking my heart, for shattering my dreams, for making me think you actually liked me to, or mad because you lied? Am I mad? Nope, just completely crushed and broken. I can't be mad at you.

27. And even though my gut said "don't trust him." Even when my heart begged me not to let you break it again. And even still when my head told me that you couldn't change, I ignored it. I let you back into my life, and I believed your promises, and hoped that this was the time you had finally listened. You assured me that you wouldn't go back to her, to treating me like that, to acting like I'd never been there. Good God, I even prayed that you would finally see me like I saw you. But in the end, I guess I was the dumbass for ignoring all the signs. So here's to hoping that I'll be able to cut you out of my life, because it's not fair to me. I deserve so much better than you.

28. "You know when you're friends claim you're beautiful? And you're the skinniest, and you're the one with the perfect skin? They're saying it to help remind you that you're better than the jerk who hurt you. Except it's not helping because the whole time they're telling you that, all you can think is "it wasn't enough to keep him."

29. Take comfort in knowing that I, no matter how much you think I’ve got it good, I am completely miserable. And I will continue to be for awhile now. I don’t know if this sadness will ever go away. You had him, you still do and that is so much more than what I can say for myself. He loves you, he will always love you and that is more than I can say for myself; I have been forgotten, swept under the rug, left behind by the one person I gave my all to. You are beautiful. You are wonderful. You are loved. Please don’t forget that. I want you to know that, I just want you to know.

30. I don't know how to handle this, handle you telling her all the things you use to tell me, like she is one uping me just because I'm not around anymore. Maybe she is prettier than I and has a smile that makes your heart melt warmer than mine did, but to act as if I never existed, I don't know how to deal with that kind of pain, I'm not strong enough for that.

OMG THIS IS SO ME!